I want to be a perfect housewife

Oh, the dreams I've had.

I've had two big kinds of dreams. One is of the stage. The other is of love.
The stage side has been mostly conquered. My craft is one that is in a constant state of change. I work on my skill as an actor, singer, and dancer which constantly needs fine tuning and readjusting depending on what show I'm on and who I'm working with. Having a partner (dance partner, scene partner, or singing partner) changes often, and so does the way one performs. I feel very good about where I am along the path of this dream.

The dream of love...now that's another story. I've had a few loves. The ones I've really loved, passionately and deeply, have been the ones who have hurt me more than I can describe. It's been a few years (Thank the merciful Lord!) since I've been hurt to the extent of being sick, but I still feel the twinges of that hurt at odd times.

This is where I am longing...
Not just for a husband, which I hope the Lord will provide. As a woman, I feel that my place is to serve beside a man. I hope for that opportunity. I want to comfort, aid...give pleasure. Complete. Inspire, make him feel safe and secure. Give him something to strive for.

I want to be his boon. I want to keep his bed warm. I want to create a space for him to be a man, to inhabit and thrive in a home that only I can create as his wife. I want to provide for him the comforts only marriage can bring. To take care of him so that he can focus on being what he is called to be. And that is how a wife completes her calling. Maybe I'll dance around the kitchen while I cook. Maybe I'll sing as I make the bed. Who knows? Sometimes this longing to be a wife smothers me, and I think it takes over my life too much so that I'm not enjoying the here and now.

"Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living." Well said, Jim Elliot. You got it right. This is now.

And the truth is: I can only barely do laundry, my floor isn't that clean, and I ruined instant pudding the other day anyway. I've got a long way to go. But I do want a husband. Will God bring him?